just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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