Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
