Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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