I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm both gender and math confused
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
