I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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