I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Panties = found
Randomize
