Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
