there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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