he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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