he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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