Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
