Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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