weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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