he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
