just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she peed on how many people?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
