my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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