i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dear god my vagina.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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