then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
