dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
