I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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