So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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