I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
