i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
