Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
