just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
