I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She's JV to your varsity
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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