the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
