Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
did i walk over a car last night?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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