I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
