He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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