I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
