i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Your penis caused this!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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