Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
