I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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