My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Damn victory sex feels great
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
