I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
