hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
