Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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