You really coming over, don't trick.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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