It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
