Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
