he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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