Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
