My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
