I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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