The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
