ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
