white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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