if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
