no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
