this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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